Aries (March 21 – April 19): While everyone else was making resolutions for the new year, you decided to stay the same because you’re stubborn. Good for you Aries.
via rammediasolutions.com
Taurus (April 20 – May 20): You’ve kissed a lot of frogs this New Years Eve. You need to stop partying in the marsh.
via riverwatch.eu
Gemini (May 21 – June 20): Quitting smoking can be hard, especially when it’s meth. However, it’s important that you stick to your resolution to stop smoking methamphetamine. Your dentist is proud of you.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22): You’ve decided to eat healthier BUT all that broccoli makes you very farty, DO YOU WANNA BE SKINNY OR DO YOU WANNA HAVE FRIENDS FART-FACE?
via mossbaysoftware.com
Leo (July 23 – August 22): Great! You decided to learn to play an instrument in 2015 just remember to be patient. With your temper you may be likely to smash the guitar in your living room while learning to play it instead of on the big stage in front of a huge audience.
via youtube.com
Virgo (August 23 – September 22): You actually go to the gym today BUT it’s too crowded! You end up only working your left pec all day but good for you for sticking with it.
via emilyaamodt.com
Libra (September 23 – October 22): Oh you’ve cut back on drinking this year. You haven’t had a drink in two days but you still found yourself in the hospital. Why? Because you need to drink water! #BoneHeadPlay
via synergy-athletics.com
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21): Your mom tells you that you can’t have a dog. But you can have all the dogs. In fact you are a dog. woof woof woof.
via fisch-mit-ohren.deviantart.com
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21): This year you finally learn how to read. Being a fan of art, you decide your first book will be 50 shades of gray. It is not what you thought it would be at all.
via 123rf.com
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): You don’t need to stop drinking beer this year, but you should definitely stop taking pictures of your beers. Nobody on “UnTapped” needs to know that you drink 15 Coors lights a day.
via unofficialnetworks.com
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18): Your new years resolution was to travel. After much consideration, you’ve decided on Czecholsovakia, too bad… that has not existed in 22 years… or something like that.
via early-cold-war-events.wikispaces.com
Pisces (February 19 – March 20): Your plan to take a hose and freeze the backyard will backfire. Little known fact, Ronald McDonald LOVES ice-skating. If you freeze the backyard he will no doubt show up everyday, making your life a nightmare every single day.
via rmhccni.org
