Anthony’s Rejected Spec Scripts

by Anthony Scibelli

As a stand-up comedian and comedy writer, I’ve spent a lot of time penning spec scripts for sitcoms and other TV programs. Many of these are for shows that I watch faithfully, while others are ones that I’ve only heard of by eavesdropping around office watercoolers during coffee breaks.

I’ve included some brief summaries of some of my favorite scripts here for your reading pleasure. If you are interested in reading the full versions of any of these, please send me a self-addressed envelope with a Marvel Comics stamp, preferably the Thing.

Mike & Molly: In this unusually dark episode, Mike accidentally shoots and kills a man in the line of duty. As he grapples with the moral implications of taking a man’s life, he also forgets Molly’s birthday, and devises a complicated scheme to make her think he’s planning a surprise party. By the script’s climax, Mike, while carrying Molly’s birthday cake, realizes that all morality is subjective, and in a Godless universe the only justice that exists is that which is imposed upon humanity by itself. As he comes to these existential revelations, he trips and falls, his face landing in the cake in a comical accident.

The Office: The episode hinges on the realization that the eponymous office is actually a symbolic purgatory. The characters were killed in a plane crash just prior to the beginning of the first episode, and have been living out an imaginary existence for the duration of the series. Also, Dwight invests in turnip stock with hilarious results.

Cheers Reunion Special: The Cheers gang decides to reunite over one last drink on the anniversary of Sam’s death. In the interim, Carla and Frasier have been married, sometime after the end of (or possibly during) Frasier. Norm has learned that his real father is black, and has dedicated most of his time to learning about his heritage, while Cliff learns that his conception was immaculate, due to his mother’s unusually high midi-chlorian count. The plot thickens when they are interrupted by Sam, who was not murdered as they had all assumed, but had actually faked his own death to avoid paying taxes.

House: Dr. House discovers the cure for cancer, but accidentally forgets it on a city bus. The A-story revolves around House chasing the bus throughout the city. Meanwhile at the hospital, F. Murray Abraham, playing himself, guest stars as a man who has suffered from the hiccups for the last 30 years. The gang sets up the hospital as an elaborate haunted house in the hopes of scaring him, but only succeeds in accidentally awakening a long dormant phantasm. We also learn that Dr. Wilson has died sometime before the episode begins, but the script is peppered with hints that he will be returning as a clone or possibly clones.



Anthony Scibelli

Anthony is a contributor for UnSceneComedy.com