May 28, 2011 To Whom It May Concern/Bosses:
As you will see from the enclosed resume, I have more than 4 years of experience in the field of communication. Before that, I did not communicate, at all. I expressed myself through a series of grunts and violent swats. My resume shows that I have been consistently rewarded for hard work with promotions and increased responsibilities. Like one time, I was doing a good job standing in walgreens, not even swearing, and the manager on duty let me take money out of the register. Sort of like a tip. He didn’t tell me I could, but we both knew what “count down the register” meant. These rewards are a direct result of my expertise in communication, martial arts knowledge, intimidation, water boarding, my commitment to personal and professional excellence, and my excellent written and oral communication skills…mad oral skills kid.
If you have questions, especially about me, please contact me at 781-331-2660. I can also just chill and “kick it” like anyone else. I can hold my liquor, and I can hide a meth hangover. I look forward to meeting you to further discuss employment opportunities with Baby Gap/other places that require a cover letter.
Gary J. Petersen
12:45 p.m. September 3,2006 – 2:37 p.m. September 6, 2006