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Sure, this dog can speak. But is it American?

People outraged that the Westminster Kennel Club classified mutts as “All-American” even though they don’t speak English.

by Scott Oddo

On Saturday, February 8th, for the first time in the history of the Westminster Kennel Club, dogs that weren’t purebreds were allowed to participate in an event: the Agility Championship. The dogs, commonly referred to as “mutts” were given the classification of “All-American” by the Kennel Club. This prompted a swift backlash from Americans who felt it was unpatriotic to refer to mixed breeds as “American”.

A firestorm of tweets quickly gave rise to the hashtags #BoycottKennelClub, #SpeakAmericanDog and #AmericaIsNoMutt. By the end of the day a group of protesters had formed outside the Kennel Club’s West Side facility in Manhattan. “I don’t think it’s right to call these dogs American when they don’t even speak English” said Mark Simpson of Hakensack, NJ. “I’m not racist or nothing. I just think that if you’re in this country you should speak English. I mean it’s all right if they want to do that when they are with dogs of their own kind but if there’s an American around, they gotta speak English. It’s rude and it’s un-American”

Sally Withers came all the way from Scranton, PA to protest the Kennel Club. “I just couldn’t sit by and let them destroy another great American tradition. I mean these mutts are just ruining the country. First they ruined Christmas by barking Jingle Bells and then they ruined the Super Bowl with their Puppy Bowl antics and now this! What’s next?! You might as well let them vote and get married! Why couldn’t they just stay in the backyard where they belong”

“Yeah, what’s next?!” shouted Stan Glover from Gary, Indiana. “This is how it always starts. First they give them some minor event like the Agility Championship and next thing you know they are winning Top Dog. This country used to be great. Now there are mutts everywhere I turn. We have to stand up for ourselves and keep this country from going to the dogs!”

However not all Americans were upset by the change. Many said it was a welcomed sign of increased openness and diversity. Others weren’t sure what the Agility Championship was but felt that the winner should be any dog in Sochi that manages to evade Vladimir Putin. The spokesperson for mutts, Spike MacKenzie, was quick to point out that the dogs in Sochi are wild dogs and have no association with mutts which are domesticated. “We may be mutts but we’re not animals”.

Scott is a contributor for UnSceneComedy.com

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