I love Christmas music. I DO!! However, I have some issues with a few Christmas tunes. Here I have paired some of my favorite and most hated Christmas songs that have a common theme.
Death.
Love
Grandma Got Run-Over by a Reindeer – A song about mythical flying reindeer running over someones grandma while grandpa doesn’t care…. What could be better?!?
Best Line: She had hoof prints on her forehead and incriminating Claus marks on her back.
Hate
Christmas Shoes – I could go on for awhile on this one but it’s too depressing to think about, first of all I know mama’s sick but daddy can’t step up for one day and say “No son this isn’t the time to go shopping your mother might be dead later today and it’s Christmas Eve so maybe you should stay here with your family rather than sitting in a line at some store on Christmas Eve.”
Also are there any shoe stores open on Christmas Eve? Also who was the singer buying gifts for at the shoe store on Christmas Eve, it seems as though his actual life is the only thing more sad and boring than his songs.
Worst Line: Pacing around like little boys do. (that’s not something that little boys are known for. Did you mean fidgeting or running or yelling or saying buy this for me!?)
The Beatles
Love
So this is Christmas by John Lennon – Truly the best of the Beatles.
Best Line: Let’s stop all the fight. (one of the few Christmas songs that makes such a suggestion, I think Jesus would be into this shit.)
Hate
Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time by Paul McCartney – Everyone I’ve talked to about Christmas music brings this song up as being the worst without any prompting.
Worst Line: Simply having a wonderful christmas time. (McCartney utters this phrase 14 times during the song, the only other lyric that comes close is the brilliant “ding dong” which is sang 9 times, ughhhh what a piece of shit song)
Love or Gold digging?
Love
I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus – Stop thinking this woman was a whore. She was obviously kissing her loving and dedicated husband or baby daddy who went as far as to dress up as Santa on Christmas Eve,
Best Line: If daddy had only seen (Irony)
Hate
Santa Baby – Gold digger tries to cash in on Christmas.
Worst line: the deed to a platinum mine. (not only does she want jewelry she wants to own the mine which means next year she’s going to have to ask for slave labor because I doubt she’s mining that place on her own. I also imagine that chimney is a euphemism for vagina, otherwise I don’t think Santa is even listening.)
Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer
Love
Rudolph by DMX – How could you not love this?!?!
Best Line: Come on Come on!!!! (put his own twist on it)
Hate
Rudolph by anyone else – They all just seem boring and old after hearing DMX.
Worst Line: (who cares it’s not DMX)
Rap/Hip Hop
Love
Christmas in Hollis by Run DMC – Really fun to listen to upbeat and different from most popular Christmas songs.
Best line: Looked at his dog, oh my god, an ill reindeer. (we’ve all made this mistake before)
Hate
Any of the Christmas songs by The Ying Yang Twins.
Worst Line: ????????????? (I honestly can’t understand anything they’re saying…. or “singing”)
Merry Christmas Everyone.
