Nixon’s Neurotic Musings: Don’t Point a Laser at that Implant


Nixon’s Neurotic Musings: Don’t Point a Laser at that Implant

By James Nixon

Below you’ll find an account of why you should never bring your cat to work if you’re a plastic surgery technician.




Dear Gerald,

We’re going to have to ban you from bringing your cat, Sparkles, to work ever again. Poor Mrs. Buttahface leaked saline all over the exam table. She’s not dead, just one breast hangs like a balloon you should’ve thrown away months ago. It holds just enough shape to be recognizable. Of course, she’ll have another procedure to fix it, but while the lawsuit is ongoing, we’re forced to see her version of the neck brace: One perfectly round, perky double D titty, and one that looks like the shell of an avocado sliding off the cutting board.

Even so, that’s why cats are not allowed at the office, Gerald. Even if you were only observing, even if the dumb cunt still has one more tit than she walked in here with, even if she did give you blue balls right before the procedure as a cruel joke to dismiss you after the titties arrived…

Kitty TittyI’m sorry Gerald, we’re going to have to let you go.

Dr. Richjerk, MD








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James Nixon

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