Nixon’s Neurotic Musings: Bring Me Coffee

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Nixon’s Neurotic Musings:
Bring Me Coffee

by James Nixon

 

 

 

Wherever I is, get meh some coffee, coffee ho! Extra cream, extra sugar, fewer years of life is fine. I’ll take it.

dancin dunkin cupI don’t actually like coffee, as in, the taste of coffee. Dark roast/French roast/bleh, gimmie a liquid cake to go.  Sugar can be tricky though.  Especially at Dunkin Donuts, the best place to get coffee that actually tastes good (Read. Not like coffee).

But, you have to be mindful of how fresh off the boat the immigrant making your coffee is if you want your coffee to be the right combination of sugar, sugar, coffee, cream, cream.
If they’re brand new to this country they will have a different definition of ‘extra.’ I mean, I get it, I’m sure in your country you drank unsweetened tea and if you were very good you got TWO TEASPOONS on  your birthday.

But this is America, you’re not in Bahrain anymore. Extra means something in America.  Extra means I can see the sugar stacked up in the bottom of the cup.  Extra means I have to pull my straw part of the way out so I don’t drink straight sugar (I’m not an animal you know!) Extra certainly isn’t that 1 loving spoonful over the minimum. Clearly my ‘extra’ demands are beyond some folks third world comprehension.

Extra extra coffee ho!

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James Nixon

James is a contributor for UnSceneComedy.com