Aries (march 21-april 19):
Today you’ll be offered free Red Sox tickets. Don’t take them, the season’s over. You will get mad and start a fight with someone you don’t want to start a fight with.
Someone thinks you are a tourist. Because your mom bought you that ugly sweater that makes you look like a European… or a hipster… I don’t know someone not from here. Don’t get upset, mistakes happen all the time.
Your day will be filled with generosity. Someone mistakes you for a homeless person and offers to buy you a meal. You should think about cleaning yourself up a bit.
Rollerblading in Boston Common may be tricky today. Make sure you bring a change of socks.
Today is the day that you make the switch from Dunkin Donuts to Starbucks. Your the king of the jungle, time to start drinking the nectar of royalty.
Your friend invites you to be part of their threesome. You’re hesitant but with good reason because you don’t know who the third is. Roll the dice, you’re only 37 once.
Life’s not fair. Your Uber driver doesn’t want to hear about how your poached eggs at brunch were slightly over done. Be calm, carry on, someone will listen.
You going to get busted for drugs. You shouldn’t have trusted that Uber driver. Don’t worry BJ’s is still hiring ex-convicts.
You’re going to see a cute dog. Don’t pet it!
You may face some frustration today as your mother refuses to send any more money saying “I knew ‘fashion design’ wasn’t a good fit for you. Get a real job.”
You’re so very whimsical and free and lovely and proud. Just remember not to have sex with everyone you meet. Not everyone is as free as you.