Hello friends!
Christa here! Can’t wait for the next UnScene Comedy Presents? Neither can we! Just in case you missed it, here’s Part 1 of the show podcast and a quick re-cap of our last show: Sex-capdes…Gone Wrong!: Awkward, Hilarious & Horrifying Stories About Sex
Shawn & Jordan Discuss Losing Your Virginity in the Woods
Story 1: Jordan Handren-Seavey
Losing Your Virginity at 14 in the Woods
Story 2: Mike O’Brien
Rejected Less an an Hour After Leaving a Girl’s House
Penis cake!
Audience story:
Kenice Mobley
Sketch:
Katie McCarthy & Nick Ortolani
Story 3: Christa Weiss (zOmg! That’s me!)
Tricked by a “Photo Student” into taking Foot Fetish Pics
Story 4: Ted Pettingell
Answering the Phone During Sex while Losing Your V-Card
Stand-up from: Pat Barrett & Steve Halligan
Listen to Part 1 of the Podcast here:
http://unscenecomedy.podbean.com/2013/09/02/sex-stories-pt-1/
You might be thinking, “Why the hell did you have a dick cake pan anyway?” I had a bachlorette party at my place last year, and I wouldn’t be a good friend if I didn’t shower the bride with a variety dick shaped foods. Since there’s only so many cakes you can make shaped like a “rocket ship” or the “Washington Monument” the dick cake pan has been unused since and has kind of been burning a hole in my pocket. In the interest in giving the “full release” show experience from right in your own home, I thought I’d give out some instructions for those of you who are dick cake baking virgins.
Without further ado, a recipe for the most delicious dick you’ll ever taste.
Red Velvet Penis Cake*
This recipe make too much for just one dick, so you can use the remaining batter to make (cough, cough) strategically placed cupcakes…
Cake
2 1/4 cups sifted cake flour
1/3 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 tsp white vinegar
1 cup buttermilk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 tablespoon red food coloring
1 1/2 cups sugar
1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, room temperature
1/3 cup oil
2 large eggs
Christa Weiss: Now available for bris parties
Frosting
2 8-ounce packages cream cheese, room temperature
1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, room temperature
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
2 1/2 cups powdered sugar
a few drops of red food coloring
For cake
Grease that dick cake pan. Everyone loves a nice greasy dick. (Also if you don’t your cake won’t come out.)
For cupcakes
Put cupcake papers in cupcake tins.
Preheat oven to 350°F. Sift flour, cocoa powder, baking powder, baking soda, and salt into medium bowl. Whisk buttermilk, vinegar, and vanilla in small separate bowl. Using electric mixer, beat sugar and butter in large bowl until well blended. Add eggs 1 at a time, beating after each addition. Add oil. Beat in dry ingredients alternately with buttermilk mixture.
Pour batter into dick cake pan. Bake 30 minutes or until toothpick inserted comes out clean. Cool.
Poor remaining batter into cupcake tins. Bake about 18-20 minutes. Cool.
You can bake the cake and cupcakes at the same time, just take the cupcakes out earlier.
For the Creamy Cheesy frosting
Beat cream cheese and butter in large bowl until smooth. Beat in vanilla.
Add powdered sugar and beat until smooth.
Put frosting into two separate bowls. In one bowl add a few drops of red food coloring, (a little goes a long way). This will give you a nice fleshy hue. You will use this to frost your dick. Use the white frosting for the cupcakes…you know why. Arrange in the manner you see fit.
*You can find a dick cake pan at your friendly neighborhood sex store. If plowing your way though a porn store makes you a bit squeamish, it’s easy to find a dick cake pan in a regular party store or online.
If you’re a bit on the conservative side and want to make a red velvet cake NOT shaped like a dick…(but seriously, why wouldn’t you?) simply use two 9 inch cake pans.
Next show!
Date: September 11 at Grandma’s Basement
Theme: Cartoons
Stories from: Ken Reid, Anthony Scibelli, Gary Peterson & Jake McDowell
Stand up comedy from: Al Park & Lamont Price
Christa vs. Shawn EXTREME Bake-off: Chocolate Chip Cookies
