Well we now have one week in the books let’s see how our kinda fat comics are feeling about their progress or failures this week.
Early in the week I went grocery shopping. Apples, turkey, whole wheat bread, natural peanut butter, grape nuts, enough chobani yogurt to drive up the stock price, toilet paper, not so much because of the chobani but more so because of the grape nuts. All kinds of good stuff you know? Step one for me needs to be a change in diet, frozen pizzas and pringles have done me wrong. Of course I try to get some exercise too. I enjoy a few racquetball matches multiple times a week at Fit Factory in Braintree. I need to get back into lifting as well but this is a good start for me. I’m down about 5 pounds but still 40 pounds over my ultimate goal. I’m not trying to drop 40 pounds in a month, but to get half way there would be nice. Also, these other comics are a bunch of suckas and I’m gonna take their money.
I weighed myself Monday morning and was at 198.4 pounds. I started the Nutrisytem that day. I also started going back to the gym doing short but very intense 30 minute workouts called BMAX. It’s kind of like P90X except you don’t have to spend half your life in the gym. By Friday morning I weighed 191.4 pounds. That afternoon I went to my doctor for a follow up examine related to my accident. The nurse was alarmed that my blood pressure was a lot lower than usual. She asked if had had any dizzy spells and I had to admit I got a little dizzy doing my BMAX workout the day before. I realized maybe I needed to eat something. The nutrisystem diet sends you food but you’re supposed add vegetables and protein sources. I wasn’t doing that. I was just eating the food they sent. One of the meals was a shake. Have you ever done a diet with shakes and been so hungry that when you spill some of the shake powder on the counter you begin to cry because you need every speck of those nutrients that you can get? And then you start frantically trying to scoop the powder off the kitchen counter back into the glass and then your boss walks in and you’re snorting chocolate powder off the dirty kitchen counter? No? Just me?. Anyway, I had a chicken wrap for lunch that Friday and then had ribs at dinner with some friends. Saturday morning I was back up to 193.5 pounds and my blood pressure was back to normal. I went back to the diet, this time eating the appropriate amount of veggies and protein.
Super fat and semi-comedian Miguel Perez here….I’m not sure how to do this but here it goes…I ate salads and rice cakes all week, I had a calzone but that was before I found out I was 200lbs. I’m down two lbs. Here is a picture of me being fat…but not as fat as last week.
Down 10 pounds from my original weight. It was challenging at first to drop all the bad habits associated with an unhealthy lifestyle. The first Thursday after the competition began I hosted an open-mic in which I was paid in “free drinks”. A few too many beers later I found myself at the Wendy’s drive thru getting myself two junior bacon cheeseburgers. After the next days hangover and disappointment I swore off alcohol (and coffee) for the rest of the challenge. I’ve been doing at least twenty minutes of cardio a day and eating comparatively healthy meals. It took a certain “rock bottom” to push me into high-gear, and I’m glad it happened so early on.
Week, I had a secret weapon, GASTRITIS. Thats right, an infection of the stomach lining caused by too much bacteria in your gut. It was a weird start to a weight loss challenge. I feel in a way I cheated, but if everyone else wants to lay in bed for 5 days doubled over in pain, only eating chicken broth, with plain toast, and Gatorade, be my guest. It’s not worth it, and I only lost 3 fucking pounds.
So I hate to admit it, but I think the key to successful weight loss is masochism. Whenever people asked before how I lost a bunch of weight, I just gave them the super boring answer of “eating less, being active more”. But here’s the thing, I’ve been eating wayyyyyyy less. The past two weeks I was eating between 700 and 900 calories a day. I’m gonna see if I can get it down to 600 for the next few weeks. I honestly just want to see if I can get down to Christian Bale’s diet for The Machinist. It’s gonna be tough, but I’m sure I’ll find a kid to hit with my car. By the way, I’m pretty sure this doesn’t technically count as an eating disorder until I’m skinny. Fingers crossed.