Bernie Bros vs. Hillary Hos: The Grammer School Kickball Tournament of American Politics

I’m a millennial, but an old crotchety millennial. I graduated college smack in the middle of the worst economic crisis in recent US history. In the middle of the housing bust, government bailouts and rampant unemployment. I, like so many others was trying to start a life. I say trying, because almost ten years later I feel like my life haven’t quite started.

 

(via matzav.com)

(via matzav.com)

 

It took me roughly that much time to land a semi decent job (even with a ‘real’ degree from a good college.) Before that I worked thousands of low paying temp and contract jobs, may of which did not provide health insurance. I’ve been on unemployment. I’ve used Obamacare. I don’t own a house or a car but I live in a nice, fun, artsy neighborhood. A nice, fun, artsy neighborhood that is quickly becoming so gentrified that the only reason I can still afford to live there is because I have a sympathetic landlord. And as I watch the houses being replaced by condos and the local family owned restaurants being replaced by high end gastropubs and MORE condos, I know it’s only a matter of time before I too, will be pushed out.

 

Now, this is not a sob story. I’m a white person in America. I know there are so many others, not only in this country but all over the world, that have it astronomically worse than I do. But you can see why I’m not a huge fan of Wall Street or 1%ers or whatever you want to call them (monsters?). And while I’ve voted in every presidential election, I’ve never bothered with the primaries. What was the point? All the candidates were the same, and none of them ever spoke to the issues I was concerned with. I don’t buy the fear mongering used on both left and right.

In all honestly, I’m far more afraid of white men in business suits that I ever was of brown people.

 

But then something changed. I found out about Bernie Sanders, and for once, after all this time, I didn’t feel that twinge of ennui every time election season care around. I actually felt like for once, someone was speaking to me instead of the typical rhetoric you hear around campaign time. Squabbling about whether or not we should build a giant wall to keep out immigrants is just wasting time not talking about real issues like, ‘Hey, maybe teachers should be paid more.’

 

I’m a pretty ardent Bernie supporter. And while during the day I am tied to my job, at night I’m a comedian, so I’ve gotten the opportunity to support my candidate in a more public way than most. I’ve done Sanders fundraiser shows, spoke on political radio and given quotes to the media. I’m in this thing.

 

Unfortunately for me, I am also a lady, which according to Madeline Albright and Gloria Steinum means I am a terrible person for not being a Hillary supporter. Apparently, if you’re a man, you can vote for whomever you want, but as a woman, it is my womanly duty, to vote according to my gender. Oh and also dudes support Bernie so I’ll be getting lots of tail. Ya know, even though I’ve been in a committed relationship for the last 5 years. I’m supporting Bernie cuz I totes want to get laid. (Fuck you Gloria Steinem. Enjoy your social security. If Hillary wins, I probably won’t be getting any.)

 

Come on Madeline! I thought we were cool. (aim.org)

Really Madeline? REALLY? I thought we were cool. (aim.org)

 

And yes, I do consider myself a feminist, not in the scary man-hating type way, but in the, ‘We should all be equal. I would like to be paid the same and have reproductive rights. It’s ridicules that this is still even an issue,’ type of way. I’m reasonable. If I thought that Bernie Sanders would not support equal rights for women OF COURSE I’d take issue with that. Of course. But I doubt the guy who’s been fighting for social justice his entire career like is gonna try to defund Planned Parenthood the second he gets into office.

 

What does bother me is how split the left has become. Essentially it’s a boys versus girls debate. Not only is this immature, but its getting to be downright shameful. I’ve seen men bully women for supporting Hillary and women bully other women for not supporting Hillary. So women are being bullied and shamed on both sides.

 

(via economictimes.indiatimes.com)

Please be nice. Please??? (via economictimes.indiatimes.com)

 

You guys, I’m fucking tired of this. People always seem to find new excuses to shame women for things they can’t control and this is just another example.

 

This isn’t a girls versus boys grammar school kick ball tournament. This is the future of American politics.

 

I’m disappointed when I see how shitty some Bernie supporters can be to people, particularly women, who support Hillary. Unfortunately, as a female comedian, I am quite familiar with people who consider themselves liberal when it means they can smoke weed legally but at the drop of a hat become misogynist assholes when ‘that bitch just got that audition/writing gig/show because she’s a girl.’ It is ingrained in every aspect of my life.

 

I’m disappointed in some Hillary supporters. How condescending they can be! How is voting for a woman, just because she’s a women in any way feminist? Feminism is about having a choice. They think we are immature because, ‘They just want free college and a higher minimum wage.’ Ummm…well of course! I’m voting on the issues that are important to me instead of who’s genetailia matches mine. Why is low cost college, and people who aren’t loaded with a lifetime of debt a bad thing? How does wanting people with little education to be able to make a livable income and have a comfortable life immature? But no, expanding social programs isn’t good for anyone, except you know…society.

 

No, I don’t support Hillary, but I support the PEOPLE who support Hillary.

(…With the exception of the superdelagates, because as a rule, I don’t consider old white men with money, people. I consider them corporations.)

 

It is our right, left side or right, to have our own unique political views without being attacked by our own team. I don’t even think Hillary would make a bad president, but I doubt much would change under her presidency, which is why I’m voting for Bernie. Hillary is a strong smart, capable woman who’s faced more than her fair share of scrutiny in American politics. I understand as a women working in a largely male dominated environment, how difficult that can be. I don’t think she’s any more corrupt than any other democrat that has run in the last 50 years because as a rule, Super Pac money is, I dare say it, sketchy as shit.

 

Regardless of whether or not you believe Bernie would be able to work with other politicians on the change we hope for, what he is doing is sending a message. A message that the power belongs in the hands of the people and not to the privileged few. (Fun Fact: According to a recent study jointly conducted by Princeton & Northwestern Universities, America is actually an oligarchy. Wouldn’t it be delightful to actually have, you know, a REAL democracy?)

 

So yes, even if on the left our political views vary greatly, remember you guys, we are all (fortunately or not) on the same side. Be nice to each other. We don’t have to make this about gender.

And if there’s one thing I think we can all agree on, it’s that if for some reason Donald Trump becomes president, we will rise up together…and move to Canada.



Christa Weiss

Christa Weiss is the editor & web mistress at UnSceneComedy.com. Christa performed in the 2014 Boston Comedy Festival and was the February 2014 Comic in Residence at the Comedy Studio in Cambridge, MA. She participated in the inaugural Chicago Women’s Funny Festival, the Women in Comedy Festival, the She Dot Comedy Festival, the North Carolina Comedy Arts Festival, the Cleveland Comedy Festival and is a featured performer on Rooftop Comedy. She produces Broad Appeal Comedy Night, a female-focused comedy show in Boston. She also appears in commercials for the New England Sports Network (NESN).