Weirdly Specific Horoscope. 12/1. – by Phoebe Angle.

sagittarius48  Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21): 

Thanksgiving is over, now you just have to make it through Christmas, and that pang of guilt that you cannot place, will eventually go away.


capricorn48Capricorn (December 22 – January 19):

So you are hung over. Yes everybody cares, keep telling everybody, they totally care.  Tell your boss too.  The Stars think you’re cool, because you drink.




aquarius48Aquarius (January 20 – February 18): 

You were really hoping you and your co-worker were going to become friends, but then these words came out of her mouth, “but you have to give it to Trump when he…..”  The Stars say you don’t need work friends.


pisces48Pisces (February 19 – March 20):

This is the week where you find out just how long stuffing last after Thanksgiving.  It’s not going to be nice, but at least you will know.




aries48Aries (March 21 – April 19):

You tried to spring your turkeys into action, taking over first the neighborhood, then the town, then the state, AND THEN THE COUNTRY,  AND EVENTUALLY THE WORLD!   However, you did not hide them well, and those turkeys you trained got eaten.  At least you have the wild turkeys…. or do you?





taurus48Taurus (April 20 – May 20):

When considering the 99 bottles of beer on the wall, you should probably think about how warm those beers are going to get. by beer 97, thats going to be kind of gross… unless it’s a stout or porter, those are good at room temperature. Also, the amount of germs that are involved “passing it around”  unless you are using the untapped app.  Then, just be responsible, I guess.




gemini48Gemini (May 21 – June 20):

Somebody told you, that they read on the internet, that some people think octopus aren’t animals, but aliens, sent here to keep tabs on us.  You believe that person, who read that thing.  You swear allegiance to the octopus.




cancer48Cancer (June 21 – July 22):

Singing a cappella is quite a skill.  However, nobody wants you to do it at parties, unless they are at a cappella parties.  At every other party your friends are just being nice, and discreetly uninviting you, and/or the other people you break into a cappella with, to facebook events.  Stop it.


leo48Leo (July 23 – August 22):

Hey, it’s looking like “Friends-giving” is not going to happen.  Maybe try harder next year.




virgo48Virgo (August 23 – September 22):

This daily Law and Order SVU marathon you have been binging on for the past 3 days is not good for you, in fact, it’s not good for anyone.  Dunk Dunk!


libra48Libra (September 23 – October 22):

You find out the secret as to why Nicolas Cage/how is famous.  You are the only one who knows this secret.  Be careful, the government is looking for you.



scorpio48Scorpio (October 23 – November 21):

Your birthday was last month, but you are still thinking about it.  It still kinda feels like your birthday. It’s ok.   Birthday forever!



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