Weirdly Specific Horoscope: November 21

 aries48Aries (March 21 – April 19):  Today you join the Mile High Club!  Turbulence is finally fun!

via urbandaddy.com

via urbandaddy.com

taurus48  Taurus (April 20 – May 20):  Every time it’s your turn to do the dishes you just throw them away.  One day these wedding gifts will run out.  It’s time to come clean.

via monkeyinthecage.com

via monkeyinthecage.com

gemini48  Gemini (May 21 – June 20): It doesn’t matter that they are everywhere, you can’t just fight turkeys.  Even this close to Thanksgiving it’s still a big no-no.

via imgarcade.com

via imgarcade.com

cancer48  Cancer (June 21 – July 22):  Stop using the zombie apocalypse as an excuse not to shower.  Most people would have to be dead to not smell you.  Collect guns or something, ANYTHING!  Take a shower!

via apartmentallure.com

via apartmentallure.com

  leo48Leo (July 23 – August 22):  Today you become a true helicopter mom as you purchase a drone equipped with a video camera to keep tabs on your children.

 

via rebekahsanderlin.com

via rebekahsanderlin.com

virgo48  Virgo (August 23 – September 22):  Remember when you wore a kilt to prom?  Everyone else does.  Man, you were out-there.

via mnprairieroots.com

via mnprairieroots.com

libra48  Libra (September 23 – October 22):  A few days ago your boyfriend purchased a yellow sweater.  Today he will come home with some suspicious red shoes.  Ronald McDonald has gotten to him.  Get out while you can!

via wheresronald.com

via wheresronald.com

scorpio48  Scorpio (October 23 – November 21):  Good news, you passed your exam and it looks like you are going to be the smartest mail man in your town.

via blog.frontporchforum.com

via blog.frontporchforum.com

 

sagittarius48  Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21):  I bet you didn’t even know you could get two parking tickets in two hours… until today.  Better go check on your car.

via theexpiredmeter.com

via theexpiredmeter.com

capricorn48  Capricorn (December 22 – January 19):  Your mom’s new boyfriend insists on making homemade cranberry sauce this thanksgiving instead of using the canned stuff as usual.  Fuck that guy.

 

via dishmaps.com

via dishmaps.com

aquarius48  Aquarius (January 20 – February 18):  Go ahead, buy that snowblower.  Next week the stars will tell you how much snow we’re going to get this winter.

 

via nosnowcashflow.com

via nosnowcashflow.com

pisces48  Pisces (February 19 – March 20):  You can’t cook, and no one has been telling you because all your friends are poor and you cook for them all the time.  Start putting a little more thought into what “meats” you put into your meatloaf.

 

via pixgood.com

via pixgood.com

 



Phoebe Angle

Phoebe is a contributor for UnSceneComedy.com