Hey kids! It’s Halloween time again! In lieu of writing the “Top 10 Sluttiest Slut Costumes That Make It Obvious You Grew Up in an Orphanage1,” I bring you a tribute to the greatest movie of all time: Ghostbusters.
Ghostbusters is one of my favorite movies ever, mainly because it combines my two favorite things: Comedy and Sci-Fi. It’s one of those rare gems that does both funny and scary equally well. If the Scary Movie franchise is any indicator, a movie of this genre is particularly difficult to pull off, because lets face it, those movies are fucking terrible2. So, without further ado, I bring to you:
The Top Whatever Reasons Why You Should Spend That $4.96
& Buy the Ghostbusters DVD bundled with Ghostbusters II &
Trading Places in the Bargain Bin at Wal-Mart.
Why Ghostbusters is the Greatest Movie Ever
Badass logo/Badass theme song
Hey do you know what the Ghostbusters logo looks like? Of course you do! It’s bold, it’s bright, it’s sexy and it has a sweet ghost on it. Stupid hipsters and stupid nerds alike still sport it on t-shirts, stickers, and tattoos that they’ll eventually regret. Do you remember any other logo from a fictional company in a movie from 30 years ago? I rest my case.
(Repeat for the theme song, include a paragraph about how great guy who wrote that song is. Seriously, he was great.3)
Eddie Murphy Isn’t In It
That’s right! An 80’s comedy that Eddie Murphy isn’t in? They make those? Was he busy?4 Who knows! Despite the absence of Eddie Murphy playing 16 characters, this movie still happened AND has a black guy, in a horror movie, WHO LIVES. I feel like I’ve entered an alternate universe.
They Smoke, Kind of a Lot.
Hey remember back in the day when movies genuinely depicted human behavior5? The characters in Ghostbusters smoked. Why? Because they were under stress. Yeah, smoking is bad, but it’s also a thing people do. Aside from when a plot needs someone to appear evil or badass without much character development (or Mad Men), you never see this any more. Censors and bored suburban moms can finally rest! Smoking has been politely replaced by torture porn movies and the Disney-Celeb-Gone-Bad-of-the-Week-who-Will-Eventually-End-Up-in-a-Mental-Institution’s6 award show antics. Le sigh.
It Makes Me Not Hate Improv
There is a natural rivalry between stand-ups7 and improvisers that most people will never quite understand. (Think two siblings that don’t really take each other’s personal choices seriously.) Sure, we sorta hate each other but at the end at the day it doesn’t really matter because no one really understands what either groups of us do anyway. We should be friends. Seriously.
Either way, you can’t argue with the classics, and this is in fact a classic, written, directed and acted by some kickass dudes from the legendary improv troop, Second City. The storyline is super creative, the improved lines are great and the attention to detail is amazing. Remember that shitty low budget commercial the Ghostbusters do where someone’s timing is slightly off? Now think of every crappy local car dealership commercial you’ve ever seen. Genius! And how about all those sweet Jim Henson-esque ghost puppets?….Which, by the way, brings me to:
Slimer: Best Ghost of All Time?
Yes. Of course he is. Why? He’s a small green booger that is messy and vaguely threatening but is mostly just sort of awesome. Sure, if it was me, I’d love to spend eternity stuffing my face, scaring people, and tearing shit up, but was Slimer, like, an actual guy? Is there an Edger J. Slimer that once existed somewhere in the Ghostbusters universe? If so, was he a morbidly obese midget with a head cold on a coke binge?8 What’s the deal? The world may never know, but Slimer being dually a ghost AND the ultimate 80s party animal is enough for me.
Ghosthunters, Before Ghosthunting Became A Thing
Yes, the Ghostbusters movie, in fact coined the term ghostbuster. Oddly enough, ghostbusting is actually considered a thing now because every idiot with an infrared camera thinks they can make a watchable tv show.9 If it’s between watching fake ghosts in a well written/well produced movie or watching “real” ghosts with a bunch of middle aged white dudes stumbling around in the dark, I go fake ghosts every time. They just seem so much more realistic.
The movie did reveal what would become a pretty popular trend years later,
which also leads me to believe….
The Ghostbusters Movie Can Predict the Future!
I think my favorite line in this movie was just a simple aside that the character Egon had when talking about reading books: “Print is dead.”
Did I mention this was written almost 30 years ago? Today, in 2013, all the bookstores closed and the only thing anyone’s actually willing to read are stupid list articles on the internet. We’ve entered a sort of bookless oblivion.
Bam! Mind blown. Is the script from the Ghostbusters the new Nostradamus text? Maybe not, but it might make a good premise for Ghostbusters III…IF IT EVER GETS MADE.
Aww, I’m kidding you guys. I love ya. But if I don’t see a new comedic/ghost related movie soon I might be forced to buy the actual Ghostbusters DVD instead of just watching it on Netflix.
- Mental note: Write “Top 10 Sluttiest Slut Costumes That Make It Obvious That You Grew Up in an Orphanage”*
- Popular Horror Movie plus Dicks does not equal Funny, or Scary. It just equals Dicks. That’s it. Dicks = Dicks. It’s like trigonometry, but with dicks.
- Google that guy who wrote that song.
- After a little research I found out that he was, in fact, busy.
- Maybe an article about a sci-fi/comedy isn’t the best place to bring this up but my point still stands.
- Saying her name only makes her stronger.
- If you didn’t already know this, I’m a stand-up comedian (and by than I mean I’m an asshole).
- After still more research, I found out that Slimer is supposed to be the ghost of John Belushi, so I was about 75% correct. Also, I should probably start doing research before I write an article, not after.
- Fun fact: They can’t.
* After still more research, I found these. Sigh…