Bitter Comic or Struggling Squirrel?

I asked a group of comics to write a caption for this photo and there were many fantastic entries but none of them struck me quite as much as this one.





“Just give me the fucking nut. Why the fuck are the nuts people holding always just out of my reach? Maybe I should go out and find some nuts on my own instead of waiting for someone to hand me one. Yeah all those mediocre squirrels seem to get plenty of nuts with their middle of the road squirreling. Whats the fucking point I’m sure all those hack squirrels have already gotten the good nuts. I’m so fucking bad at this. The getting nuts part. When ever I get the nut I know exactly what to do with it, but that never seems to fucking matter. If I just got a bunch of nuts on my own at a certain point people will just be handing me nuts. People will say there’s a squirrel who deserves some nuts. That seems to be how the industry works, if everyone thinks you’re great at squirreling because you got all these nuts, all of a sudden you have a comedy central presents… whoops the metaphor got away from me for a second… Anyway back to what I was saying. Maybe I could just convince someone to let me start giving out nuts and I could give out nuts in exchange for me getting nuts later on. But then I would be one of those horrible Squirrel Nut Giving human hybrids and people would say he only got that nut because hes really good at nutworking.”  – Ted Pettingell

Unscene Comedy

UnScene Comedy is the best place to find essays, articles, and media from some of the top Boston comedians.