The Random Word Generator Diaries: Item

*Every week Rick uses a random word generator to pick a topic, and rambles on about it using related stories, thoughts, and questionable facts he thought he heard somewhere.  Once finished he’ll look up the actual definition and see if he was in the ballpark.

random word: item

     Well this is a pretty general one, an item is one thing.  I have a lot of items because I am a bit of a hoarder (not in a crazy way, just in a I have been a single adult male for 13 years, and I am too lazy to throw things out.)  I have been sifting through my stuff due to my impending nuptials ( I know, I’ll shut up about it eventually…) and here are some items I have come across between cleaning out my apartment and car (itemized, of course.)

  • Press clippings and show posters
    • Boston Phoenix with Comedy listings from my first week as Comic in Residence at the Comedy Studio.
    • Articles from Worcester Mag, the Weekly Dig, the Boston Globe, etc…
    • One sheet poster from the Eugene Mirman Comedy Festival.
    • My first rejection letter (of many) from the Boston Comedy Festival.


One would think if I cared so much to save these things, I would have also cared enough to preserve them in a frame or a scrapbook.  Instead I just piled them up in my car and let them all get a nice weathered look.

  • Notebooks
    • Used
    • Unused
    • Not belonging to me

     I am astounded how many notebooks I have bought and never written a word in.  I am even more astounded how many I have used only a few pages and then hidden away somewhere.  I found probably 20 notebooks with the same jokes written out word for word (jokes that I had written and memorized already) and the abandoned.  I have done so little actual writing of my material in notebooks, and yet I just buy them and buy them.  I even found a notebook that another comic must have left at my place once.  It took me a while to figure out who it belonged to until finally, many pages in, I recognized a joke of theirs.  I’m not going to name the person or the joke as to not embarrass them, but I will say this.  If you have lost a notebook, and been over to my place…   you should work harder (really good advice to anyone, including myself.)

 

  • Gadgets, as seen on TV stuff
    • The Glass Wizard (2)
    • The Snuggie
    • The Cocomotion

    If you are selling something, I will probably buy it if you can trick me into thinking it will improve my life.  I own 2 Glass Wizards…   it cleans glass!… or rather it helps you to clean glass.  It’s not even like cleaning glass is my thing.  My thing is to dirty glass, and then move away.  The Cocomotion is like a heated blender that can only blend powdered mixes with liquids.  Finally someone has taken the hassle out of making hot cocoa and instant coffee.  Now it only takes a few seconds, instead of up to a minute (that being said I have used it, and will use it again.)  I am a defender of the Snuggie, if it were thicker it would be the number one used blanket when I sleep (why haven’t they made a Snuggle duvet yet?!)

i·tem
Noun:An individual article or unit, esp. one that is part of a list, collection, or set.
Adverb:Used to introduce each item in a list

    You may think that this has not been all that much stuff.  Look, I’m not going to list every weird, sad or silly thing I have on this one article.  I haven’t finished sorting things and also, I ain’t dead yet, so I am sure there are plenty of weird things I have yet to collect, and great things I have yet to not preserve well.  I even tried (twice) to add Pajama Jeans to our wedding registry (my future wife NEEDS these.)  Let’s call this part one of a possible series…

And really, it should totally exist!  Even if the duvet gets a little too hot, you should be able to use the sleeves as ventilation!



Rick Canavan

Rick Canavan is a stand up comedian. You can see him host a pretty fun show every Friday night at the Comedy Studio in Harvard Square.