I originally wrote this essay for a blog of odes that people had written to a beloved piece of clothing. Apparently, I wasn’t taking it seriously enough, because they didn’t end up posting it. This both baffled and mildly enraged me, but anyone who writes a serious three page essay about their 30 year old polyester leisure suit isn’t exactly someone you can reason with. Either way, I like the essay and my relentless dedication to my Black Knit Hat only grows stronger with each passing day. Read on and share in my joy and sorrow.
An Ode to My Lost Black Knit Hat: A Remembrance
by Christa Weiss
My black knit hat and I met while at an H&M about 2 years ago. It was love at first sight, also it was only $6. We made it through an eventful winter, through the good times and the bad. Through every cold morning, Black Knit Hat was there. Through every breezy afternoon and snowy night, Black Knit Hat was there. Through every bad hair day, time I was too lazy to comb it and all those weeks where my roots got so bad I was embarrassed to go outside, Black Knit Hat was there.
I didn’t appreciate you like I should have, Black Knit Hat! I wore you to every crappy hipster coffee house I visited in order to fit in and look cool. You were always by my side, making me virtually identical to every other crappy hipster girl. You made me feel stylish and comfortable in a world that I almost, but not quite fit into. For this I thank you Black Knit Hat!
And times my friend, they were rough. Like that time I got drunk and left you in that bar. And that other time I got drunk and left you in that other bar. And that last time I got drunk and left you in that final bar (I think). I am lost with out you Black Knit Hat, but honestly, I don’t blame you for leaving. Hopefully, you are safe and warm in a lost and found, or scavenged by some other crappy hipster girl.
Thanks for all your hard work, loyalty and dedication. I love you Black Knit Hat.
Black Knit Hat is survived by Scarf and Gloves.*
*A few days after writing this essay, Christa and Black Knit Hat were joyfully reunited when Black Knit Hat was found in the back of her boyfriend’s car. Christa and Black Knit Hat now reside in Somerville, MA with their cat, Julius.