Theodore’s Advice Column

Hello internet sheep. I haven’t been able to get fired from my job so maybe going back to writing these outrageous articles will do the trick, or maybe my bosses haven’t bothered to Google my name. Any way this weeks question isn’t so much of a question as it is a statement:

“I want to pound my girlfriends ass and she won’t let me.”

This statement comes from two separate people who typed that into Google and clicked on this site.


Boy oh boy where to start with this one. Have you ever thought you might me be gay? Or is it that you just have such a small dick her vagina isn’t tight enough? Either way you are clearly not manly enough to make your woman respect your wishes so you might as well switch teams. Unless you do have a super tiny dick, then if you go gay you will probably be the one getting pounded in the ass. I think that’s what you really want based on the language that you used. You don’t pound a woman’s ass until she asks you to. Until she asks you to do that you slowly work your way up to making love to her ass. Since you are consumed by the thought of ass pounding I take it the only way you can reach climax is by having a man much stronger than you pummel your prostate with his fuck stick.

Well that’s it for this weeks article. Hopefully Google will give me some more good fodder for this stupid series. Until then go out there and get your face fucked.



Ted Pettingell

Ted is a contributor at Ted loves comedy. He hates writing short Bios about himself. Ted is very good at comedy. He is not very good at writing his Bio. Ted is constantly working on his comedy. Ted rarely works on writing his Bio. Ted tell his jokes at all the major clubs in Boston. Ted writes his Bio on his home computer. Ted has appeared in several comedy festivals. His Bio has not. Ted was the Comic in Residence at the Comedy Studio in December 2010. His Bio took the month off to spend time with family. Lets review Comedy Good, Bios Bad.