Are they or aren’t they? (…they are)

Kevin Willis – Retired 7 ft. tall 20-year veteran of the NBA and a one-time world champion as a member of the San Antonio Spurs. When he signed on with the Dallas Mavericks in 2007 he became the second oldest NBA player in history but was still in better shape than some players half his age.

Gaynalysis: Willis offered his personal perspectives on prejudices in our society in a book titled A Better Man –especially when that prejudice is directed at homosexuals.

 

“Well, first of all, I don’t want to sit here and lie to you and tell you that I’m perfectly comfortable with homosexuality. I think I am like a lot of straight men in that respect….”

I see two red, flaming flags here. First, anyone who starts a sentence with “I don’t want to lie to you” – is lying; the same way you know someone is full of shit when they start one with the word “honestly”. Second, Willis refers to himself as a straight man. It is a universal truth among gays and straights alike that when someone calls themselves straight, they are gayer than Ryan Seacrest listening to The Sound of Music.

Need more proof? The guy has his own fucking clothing line. Straight guys have to stop for clothes because their wives tell them too. Kevin Willis, on the other hand, loves shopping so much that he essentially shops for everbody by helping to dictate the style for the season. USA Today did a piece on Willis’s company and this was the lede: “During his 21-year NBA career, Kevin Willis has been known to critique his teammates’ sense of fashion.” That’s right. Willis would critique the wardrobe selections of his teammates while they were busy getting drunk and banging female hookers. I can imagine the following exchange:

Dominque Wilkins – “Hey Kev’ you ready to hit the club?”

Kevin Willis – “Yeah, we’re going to a gay club, right?”

Willis offered the following analysis on the style of former NBA’er Kendall Gill – “He [Gill] was 6-5 and could wear anything, any color — lime, white, fuchsia — he could pull it off. He had the posture and everything for a good suit.”

Okay, that is seriously the gayest sentence I’ve ever seen. Fuchsia? Only gay people know what fuchsia is. If I had to muster a guess I would say that fuschia is the name of an extremely low-end stripper. Either that, or she’s the new stripper that chose fuschia as a stage name only after learning that her first choice – Butter Tits – was already taken. And how does he have an opinion on Kendall Gill’s posture? I got cast in Rent just because I re-read that sentence.

To be continued….

 

Jacob Simon



Jacob Simon

Jake is a contributor for UnSceneComedy.com