Need a career change quick but just don’t have the time for things like ‘going to college’, ‘learning a trade’ or ‘getting out of bed’? Are you manipulative, lack morals & have trouble with personal relationships? Then here are:
4 hott careerz that will lead you straight to easy street!
A favorite of the young and old alike, being a slum lord is a great way to make a quick buck. Think being a traditional landlord is difficult? Not to worry! No building maintenance or upkeep is required! Whether you are renting to poor immigrants trying to make a living or to college kids who don’t know any better, you can skip it all! Bed bugs? Roaches? How do you know they didn’t bring those in? Functioning heat? Wear a sweater! Running water? Take a sponge-bath in the subway bathroom, you diva!
All you need to get started is a loan to buy some property. Don’t worry, you won’t have to pay it back. Paying bills is for plebeians. Plus, that lovely 2 family shithole you bought can be easily split up into 37.5 units! The money will just keep rolling in!
Not a prince? Not from actually from Nigeria? No problem! Through the magic of the internet you can be anyone! All that’s required is an email account and you’ll be rolling in cash, just like a pig rolling in the stuff that pigs roll in! (I’m assuming that it is also cash?)
Simply email several hundred people a bunch of lies detailing why they should send you money. Everyone knows that lying = money. It’s science.
Sure, telling someone they are related to a Nigerian prince who mysteriously died and left all their money to a relative they’ve never met doesn’t make much sense. But, you only need one person to believe that if they just sent enough cash to take care of the legal fees associated with the inheritance (even though they have never been to or heard of Nigeria) you can buy that new car!
Besides, your pesky Nigerian ‘lawyer’s’ car broke down and how exactly is he supposed to get to those giant piles of money, diamonds, rubies and also probably a big overflowing treasure chest that blows bubbles like in a fish tank to send to your victim? (cough. I mean client. CLIENT.)
How, I ask you? How? Your story is pretty much rock solid.